This is not sponsored content. We just love Muscle Milk©.

Seriously, if this content were sponsored, we would be legally obligated to inform you. But it’s not. It’s all natty, baby, just like these Muscle Milk muscles that you can’t see through your screen, but you can imagine if you picture giant, freshly picked Halloween pumpkins full of banana milk. On second thought, maybe you’re a 90-pound pencil pusher who’s never seen a fully engaged pectoral muscle in your entire life? If that’s the case, then you need a quick rundown of Muscle Milk from the lads, so here it is:

Muscle Milk© is milk for your muscles. Think of it like a protein shake, but milk. We’re talking 20 to 40 grams of protein per serving, and sure, there are some extra carbs in there, but that’s why you’re drinking milk and not sissy toddler water. Pound five of these bad boys a day, and trust, you’re gonna get massive. But what’s the best flavor of Muscle Milk to turn yourself into a literal minotaur? You’ve come to the right place.

7. Vanilla Crème

Muscle Milk

They don’t call it vanilla for nothing. Vanilla Crème Muscle Milk tastes like vanilla, which is fine if you’re vanilla dude; we don’t judge, but come on. It tastes like vanilla. Spice your sh*t up, dawg.

6. Knockout Chocolate

Muscle Milk

Let’s be honest, chocolate is also pretty bland. That said, with 32 grams of protein, Knockout Chocolate is a step up from your typical boring chocolate-flavored trash. Muscle Milk is all about building your physique and your taste buds, so we’d be remiss to wholeheartedly recommend chocolate anything. But protein is protein and milk is milk, so you do you.

5. Strawberry Banana

Muscle Milk

Now we’re playin’ with fire, and when we say fire, we actually mean fruit flavors. Strawberry Banana Muscle Milk is just as good as every other strawberry banana smoothie––which is to say that yeah, it’s pretty good. Distinct? Maybe not. But adding protein to your smoothies is always a good idea, so if you’re a smoothie hound in general, this’ll save you some time.

4. Bananas ‘N Crème

Muscle Milk

It’s hard to get Banana flavor right. Too much banana flavor results in a metallic, artificial mess, but too little banana flavor and you gotta wonder, why banana at all? Muscle Milk gets it right. There’s just enough banana to make you go, “Mmm, banana,” but not enough banana to make you go, “Ew, not banana.” And don’t forget the crème, because that’s what milk is all about.

3. Strawberries ‘N Crème

Muscle Milk

Remember when you were a weak little kid, and your friend’s mom said they had Nesquik so you got super excited? Then, remember when it turned out to be Strawberry Nesquik instead of Chocolate Nesquik, so you threw a temper tantrum and your own mom had to come pick you up, and your flimsy little child arms weren’t strong enough to punch anyone? This is not that. This strawberry milk is good. Your muscles are good. Muscle Milk is good.

2. Cookies ‘N Crème

Muscle Milk

Unless you’re dirty-bulking to look like a house, real cookies ‘n crème are off the table. But we’re talking artificially flavored protein, so you can pretend to eat whatever the hell you want. When you embark on your own Muscle Milk fantasy, you, too, can live in a world where cookies make your abs bulge without expanding your gut. This is the Muscle Milk lifestyle.

1. Café Latte

muscle milk

Considered by many a beefy bro to be the ultimate grail of Muscle Milk, Café Latte flavor is milk and coffee and protein. Yes, it has actual caffeine, so you can tell your barista that you don’t need their weak-sauce beans ever again while you chug a steaming hot cuppa Protein Milk down your vascular gullet. Never choose between getting amped up and pumped up when you can do both at the same time.