The Original Magic Wand from Vibratex (with Travel Massager)

The Hitachi Magic Wand was, for a long time, considered the gold standard in handheld devices designed specifically and solely for at-home massage purposes. The design has since been taken over by Vibratex, who sells this model with an accompanying travel massager, and the reviews are excellent:

“Because everyone needs to relax. And sometimes you don’t have time to relax in a leisurely manner. And this item will help you relax quickly and with great intensity … It’s not too loud unless you are the sort of person who cannot relax quietly.””Good product. Very relaxing. Very, very relaxing. You should buy one.”

“Kept ‘seeing’ these around & wanted to give her a treat. They are everything you have heard about & more in my experience. You can’t put a price on what happens by spending a few lousy bucks on this magic scepter of cosmic bliss.”

Yarosi Cordless Curve Therapeutic Device

The Yarosi curve takes the traditional massager form and adds some ergonomic design and a flexible massage head. Despite its cordless design, the reviews suggest that it’s more than powerful enough to work through your tension and actually finish the job:

“I have barely left my apartment in two days. #blessed”

“My new best best friend!!!!! If you know what I mean! I have a really hard time you know…. (Finishing the race)… Due to Medical issues… I’ve tired a bunch of different types and things. This is the best X10!”

“Good Vibrations Is An Understatement … the Yarosi is fricking phenomenal. More vibration options, better speeds, and the handle really helps. So far the charge time is less than the, ah, play time which I cannot say the Pheiho could match. That said, it does not sound quiet when in use and I keep thinking the rest of the house can hear it. The air conditioner and blankets do a well enough job of masking its sounds…I hope.”

“Holy hell, I woke up cuddling this thing and don’t even remember falling asleep. 100/10”

Snawowo Wand Massager

Snawowo’s wand massager is a more compact massager for travel purposes and improves on other massagers by isolating vibrations to the flexible massage head. It is also waterproof for bathtub massages. It has fewer reviews than other massagers, but they are enthusiastic. Some users seem to use it for religious purposes as well as therapeutic:

“Wow, wow, wow!!! Amazing! Brings whole new level of enjoyment to a ‘massage.’ Don’t hesitate on this one.”

“I swear I saw jesus. This just melted my pain away, that is for sure. It’s soft and quieter than I expected. When things say quiet, I usually second guess them but they mean it. I just…phew.”

Magic Wand Massager with free Wand Essentials Speed Controller

Another entry from Vibrtex, this model comes with a special speed controller that reviewers really seem to enjoy. Once again it seems to have religious uses:

“The cord is long enough to not be a problem to me and when it’s doing it’s job…. one tends to forget about the cord, the sky… their bills etc. I don’t know too much about the durability because I can’t use it often as it tends to consume large parts of my day and I have other adult responsibilities to tend to… like the things I forgot about while I was using it. It is loud so if you want something discreet, this is not your product. However, you’ll be loud as well or whomever you gift it to. I didn’t attach pictures because that would be obscene.”

“Got it 30 minutes ago and gave it a test run … I *think* I was speaking in tongues, but I’m having trouble remembering stuff now.”

“Overall rating: OhmyGodyes … You won’t need to use it that long. ;)”

Original Magic Wand Rechargable Cordless HV-270

One more Vibratex wand, but this one is cordless and still packs enough power to handle even the aches and pains of older users. Like some of the other wands, some reviews seem to suggest that it can tap into religious or occult forces, though it may have issues with leaking:

“If it blows an 80 yr – old woman’s mind, think what it will do for you.”

“The floor was drippy. recommend.”

“When it was charged and ready to go I invited my husband to come and help me ‘review’ our new friend. As we anxiously got started we both knew right away from the curling of our toes and the intensity of the ‘pain release’ that blew him clear off the bed and threw him against the bedroom door, this was not your normal run of the mill ‘Massager.’ This thing really does have Miraculous powers! Luckily no one was hurt.”

The Luvkis Cordless Wand Massager with 12 Speed Vibration Modes

Lastly, the Luvkis Wand Massager is another cordless, waterproof charger. It’s a bit larger than Snawowo’s entry, but many users seem to like its ergonomic design. Unfortunately some reviews seem to suggest that it may leak fluids, and it may have some strange hypnotic effects:

“Very strong and loOng lasting on a single charge!”

“Works great although after I showed my family how much I love this and how this helps with my back pain, they all looked at me weird and got me more guy friends :/”

“Works great, tons of power, keeps the missus happy. Can’t keep the sheets dry.”